Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
