elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
