Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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