I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
