I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you win again, gameday.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
