I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
