he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
