ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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