Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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