he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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