One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize