I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
