He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
