why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
