I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
