Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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