Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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