Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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