I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
