omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I believe in your delicious
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
