I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
