I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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