I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the raccoons are back...
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