What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
