My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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