Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
being pregnant is like rehab
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
