Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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