you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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