We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
