i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
