I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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