There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just pynch a tree in the face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
