If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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