The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize