I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
