Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
