In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
