The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Couch. On fire.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
