I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
