Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
