u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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