Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
