The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
