I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
