dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
