so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
