call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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