Me too!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
