The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
