Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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