Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
