When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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