Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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