yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
