I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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