if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I forget how to act sober
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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