I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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