his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
