I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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