I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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