Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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