wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize