i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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