Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
