he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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