I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
