His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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