in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
