Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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