So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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