Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
