PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize