how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
