he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
