The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
