you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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