I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
