genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
