i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's never too late to be topless.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
