Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need to align my fucking chakras
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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