I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They took my balls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
