She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
