Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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