she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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