Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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