It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
