I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
