Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize