Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize