I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
