thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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