Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
