My girlfriend figured out who you are.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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