sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
