Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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