we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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